My toughest day as a Mom

Today has been a bad day.

Woke up with a horrible headache, my back hurts worse today than it ever has, my house is driving me crazy, my yard is making me nuts, Ellee has learned how to open every drawer, door, lid, and if she can't reach it off of the counter she is now strong enough to move the chairs in the kitchen to get anything she thinks she needs.

Today has been a bad day.

I have spent the majority of the last 2 days yelling at my kids for every move they made and today my Reece put things into perspective for me. It was the toughest thing I think I have ever heard come out of the mouths of my babes and it made me realize that now is not the time for a spotless house, it's not the time to worry about my yard, it's not the time to care about the garage I can't park in because it is full of stuff that hasn't been put away it is the time to just let it go and be the Mom that God wants me to be. When the words "don't you want me anymore mommy" came out of his mouth I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart a million times over and that pain hasn't stopped hours later. I asked him why he would ever say such a thing and he said, because you just yell at me, you are never proud of me, you are only proud of Caden and it makes me think that you don't want me anymore. I have never in my life felt so awful and if ever I wanted to turn back time the time was right then. How could I have let him feel this way, how could I have put so many things that were not important in front of the feelings of my child?

So this afternoon I cried lots of tears, hugged a little boy that sat on my lap for an hour, dried the eyes of Caden and Ellee and reassured all of them that they were the most important people in my life and I never wanted any of them to ever feel like they were not wanted. I told them I was not perfect, I told them that I would try harder and today was the day I realized that one day I would have a clean house from top to bottom, I would have a yard that was manicured neatly, I would have a garage that I could park in and wasn't covered in ride on toys, baseball equipment, and tools but today was not the day and tomorrow wouldn't be either. It will all be there when I get to it but from now on we were going to make sure that I remember not what is important but who is important.

Today started out really bad but I wouldn't trade it for anything because I learned a lot today about myself, about my kids, about their hearts, and about the MOST IMPORTANT parts of life.

Today I am thankful and blessed with 3 amazing children.

Dear Lord,
Today I pray that you will help me to be the Mom that you called me to be. I pray that everyday you show me the little things in the lives of my children that I should be jumping for joy over. I pray that you will let me see the drawings in the dust as artwork, the stain on carpet as a reminder of little people that grow up, fingerprints on my front door as fingerprints of God and be thankful for them instead of frustrated that they are there. I pray that when people show up at my house that I never apologize for the shape my house is in but to tell them how blessed I am to be the Mommy of 3 children and invite them to sit down among the toys and enjoy our life with us. Dear Lord and as painful as it is please don't let that feeling that I had today fade away no matter how bad it hurts because I know that I know that I know that I was called to be a Mommy and I want to be the best at it that I can be.

In your name I pray,
Trasie AKA Caden, Reece and Ellee's Mommy